We were told that “Amber” has been creating chaos at home and trying to control everything and everyone. So we’ve put on our thinking caps to work out why and what we can do to help.
A little girl in a very large household, Mum, Dad, 4 bio children and 2 foster children, with little “Amber” is the youngest. The notes that came with her say that her foster parents tell her that ‘big people are here to help you’ and ‘You’re only 4’ which is taking away her perceived independence.
What we know about children in care, is very often they have had to fend for themselves and become quite independent at an early age. My thought is that suddenly having 7 older people doing things for her could be making her feel like she has no control in her life. She has no control on where she is going to live, and with so many in the house, it’s very structured routines and I am guessing, the poor little thing doesn’t get a lot of say in what’s going on.
Knowing that “Amber” is causing chaos and trying to be controlling we put into action things she can control with questions like….
‘Would you like your toast cut into squares or triangles?’
‘Would you like and apple or a mandarin for kindy?’
‘Would you like to clean your teeth before your shower or after?’
I know it’s not big decisions, but for a little person, it seems to be enough to make her feel like she has some say in her day to day life.
Has “Amber” tried to be controlling so far with us?
Well, she tries to get biscuits all day, but how many 4 year olds don’t?
She has to always have one of us with her. She is happy to play by herself, but we have to be in the room with her. Controlling behaviour or just needs to feel secure? I think it’s the latter.
So our little Chaos Causer is all settled, chatting nicely, using manners (mostly), following instructions, and catching up on some sleep (the poor baby hasn’t been getting a full nights sleep she’s been so worked up). Almost ready to go home to her carers and try again with a fresh start.
I must say, I’m feeling a bit like “Mary Poppins” with this little lady. Helping her so she and her family can get back on track together.