As I usually do on a Monday morning, I dropped little miss “Jade” off to access to see her TM (tummy mummy). We were a bit early and TM was already there so we had a bit of a chat while we waited for the access worker to arrive.
TM asked where the other girls were, so I let her know that “Kelly” is with us every other weekend for respite and “Kylie” had just moved to her new long term carer. We chatted about this for a while, about how I get upset when ‘our babies’ move on as they are part of our family for a while.
I was touched when TM said that if she gets “Jade” back she would like us to still be involved in her life as she knows how much we love her and thinks that that is important for “Jade”. Such a lovely thing for a birth parent to say.
What hit me was that in our conversation TM kept saying IF she gets “Jade” back, not when. Now, I wont lie and say MM and I haven’t had the conversation about ‘the worst case scenraio’ for Jade and what would happen if the case changed from a 12 month order to an GOM 18 order. Of course we’ll aim to ‘keep’ bubs if that happens, but, shouldn’t TM be thinking she can get her daughter back? Are her demons so bad that she herself can’t see that happening?
So, I did the right thing. I told TM that she should say WHEN she gets “Jade” back not “IF”.
I told her the best possible outcome for “Jade” is to be with her real mum, that there is nothing like your real mum and children have a very special bond with their tummy mummy.
I told her that we believe in her, that she can do it, that she just needs to keep working hard and doing what she’s doing and it will happen.
Part of me wants her to fail then maybe I can keep “Jade” but I also want her to succeed because then they can be together and not only will we have made a difference in the life of “Jade” but also her mum.
Who’s side am I on?