What are the birth family doing?
Shortly after baby “Jade” came to us I had a meeting with “Angel” and “Jade’s” social worker to talk a little about the case. Part of that conversation was a request for “Jade” to spend one day a month with her paternal birth family. This request came in and a few days later I was asked to offer some dates that would be suitable. We were also asked for little “Jade” to go to respite one weekend a month. An opportunity for her to spend more time with her brother, and as the lady providing the respite was going to support TM (tummy mummy) once the children go back it was ‘apparently’ important for “Jade” to start bonding with her.
Ok….I have to say, I had some really cranky views on all of this that I shared with “Angel”.
How was baby going to bond with this woman one weekend a month?
How was baby going to bond with the paternal family one day a month?
My views were that this was just going to upset baby being passed around to ‘strangers’ and contribute to attachment issues later on as she wasn’t going to be bonding with us, her primary carers.
Being the good little person I am, I submitted dates for the next 3 months. Some had to be negotiated, but, it was sorted. The paternal family saw baby in October, November and December. A tentative date was set for January, but they never confirmed it, so it didn’t happen. In February, the Aunty asked for a date, 3 days before the day, but as we were going away as a family we couldn’t say yes. That was 3 weeks ago, and no alternate date has been suggested by them. Why? They complained about the very first date I suggested, that it was too far away and the first visit had to be moved forward. Now, they haven’t seen her since before Christmas. What is going on? Has the novelty worn off? Was baby a cranky baby last time because she didn’t like being with ‘strangers’?
And then there’s respite. Initially when we took in little “Jade” it was for a 9 day placement (Still smiling as she has now been here for 5 months!), and because of a work commitment which involved 3 long days at the theatre, we had to have respite. Ok. I felt awful about that, but there wasn’t anything I could do about my work commitment. Then, I suggested dates for November and December. November….tick. December, we had already planned to go interstate to visit MMs girls and grand-girls just after Christmas, so while we were going to take “Jade” we suggested that as respite instead. Sadly, we were required to send “Jade” from Christmas Eve so she could spend Christmas Day with her TM and brother as they were both going to be there as well. Fine-ish. We’ll be team players even though it broke my heart to not have her with us for Christmas. And guess what…there has been no respite since then. I asked social worker if they wanted a date for January. No, as she had spent 5 days away at Christmas. Ok. I’m not complaining. Then brothers carer wanted respite for this weekend coming, would it be ok for “Jade” to go too? Ok. It’s been 2 months, better say yes. Asked earlier this week for confirmation that respite was going ahead so I could get things sorted for “Jade”. Got an email yesterday. No respite this weekend.
So, what is going on with the birth family?
Why are they not pushing for more contact now with “Jade”?
Why is the social worker not pushing for the family to have more contact like she did at the start of the placement?
There’s clearly something go on that I don’t know about because if “Jade” is supposed to be bonding with these people, she can’t do that if she only sees them every 3 months.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining about her NOT going to see Aunty or to respite. The opposite is true. Love having her with us and those other contacts just upset her routine. I’m confused as t why these people that HAD to have contact no longer are.
Is it just me or does it not make sense that they wanted contact and now don’t appear to?
Am I over thinking this?