Some days are hard because it hurts so much not having Jade here with us.
Some days are hard because I have to wash and pack away her things.
Sometimes it feels like a death in the family, even though our little poppet is just an hour down the road. But for it only being an hour sometimes it feels like she might as well be one light year away.
The first week was so difficult. Packing away her things and wanting so desperately to call and see how she was going.
The first morning over breakfast I was in tears asking MM if he thought she had slept ok. He said to message and ask, but I don’t want to pester them every time I think about her and wonder how she’s going. I’m pretty sure the amount of text messages would be close to stalker quota.
So we waited and waited to hear.
By Thursday of the first week I was starting to think we wouldn’t ever hear. We hadn’t heard from the social worker either. And then I came home from work. There on the answering machine was a message from the social workers supervisor telling me that Jade was doing well, was settling in nicely and she thanked me for making the transition go so smoothly for her. Wow! Not bad seeing as only a few short weeks earlier they basically told me they didn’t think I would be able to transition her because I was emotional. Emotional!? really? You’re taking away ‘my baby’ and you think I shouldn’t be emotional about that?! But, that’s why her thanking me and telling me what a great job we had done was so important.
Later in the afternoon we were scheduled to go and see some photos of Jade that I had had taken. Our plan was to buy one nice photo and have it framed for her first birthday. Well, that plan went out the window because…..later in the afternoon it came.
A message from New Mum.
Jade was doing well, and she raved about how she is such a beautiful happy baby. How she spends her time laughing at her brother and he spends his time trying to make her laugh more. She sent me a gorgeous photo of Jade posing in the bath. And better……she wants us to have a play date in a few weeks. Right before Jade’s birthday. Yah!!!
So we went in to look at the photos after receiving these messages. As in, we were driving there as the messages came in. Well, as soon as they laid out all these beautiful pictures of our little poppet I teared up. No, that’s a lie, I started crying. MM teared up. There went our plan to get just one picture. We then wanted a couple for us and one for my parents and a couple for Jade and next thing you know we’ve spent $400 on a child and we don’t even have the child.
There are so many children in care that have no photos of themselves as babies it must be so hard for them. But little Jade is going to have a beautiful keepsake of herself as a baby. Hopefully something she can treasure and know how much she was loved by us.