It was a difficult decision to make.
It was a difficult conversation to have.
It was a difficult handover to the case worker.
It was heartbreaking made even more so with little Stella screaming as she was placed in the car seat to leave.
We decided that Stella did indeed have to move on from us because of my work commitments.
I called the placement worker at our agency on Friday morning and with tears in my eyes told her that on Monday Stella would need to go. PW was so supportive. She had spoken with me every day last week to make sure we were going ok and to let me know it was ok to say “No” to continuing the placement at any time. I was constantly reminded that we were called when we were on their ‘do not call’ list and that we were only asked to help out for one night. Taking Stella for 6 nights was giving them 500 % more than we were asked to.
I thought by calling first thing Friday it meant that the placement unit in the department would have ample time to find a family for Stella.
I wouldn’t have been more wrong. At 5.20 pm, close to end of business hours for the agency, I got a message on facebook from another carer in our agency. They were still looking for a place for her.
I so desperately wanted to call and ask for her back, but, as my voice of reason -MM- reminded me, then it will be one more night, and another, and another.
Stella was up Saturday night, sick as a dog, vomit everywhere. We went through 4 pillows and almost every cot sheet and blanket we own. Sunday we were all flat, tired, exhausted. And I knew then, it was right for Stella not to be here during the music festival. What if she got sick again? A sick baby and 14 hour work days aren’t something that go together very well.
We don’t like children leaving our home unless there is a plan and a placement for them to go to.
We don’t like children being bounced around from carer to carer like they aren’t loved, aren’t special, aren’t wanted.
Stella is the most adorable little lady. Yes, she was becoming quite the expert on tantrums, and me, becoming the expert on defusing them. Yes, she has a problem with nap and bedtimes, but we don’t know what traumas she underwent at bedtime.
I know this is the right decision for us, for now. But why does it feel so wrong?