An open letter to an abusive parent

Dear parent,

Why?
Why is it that you beat your own child?
Why is it that you think that behaviour is ok?
Why do you not accept responsibility for your actions?
How can you blame the children? They were too noisy. They were too mouthy. They were too messy. They didn’t do their chores. Or any other excuse you have for not taking responsibility for your actions and being the bigger person.

Do you know that the scars you leave on your children go much further than just the bruises on their bodies?

Do you know the emotional and psychological damage you do to them will last long after the bruises are gone and the bones have mended?

If you knew what we know about the trauma you are putting your child through in your ‘punishment’ of them, would you still do it?

I doubt I will ever understand how or why you do this to your own children. I can only guess that you have problems that you need help with, so please get that help. When you see your children looking at you in fear, ask yourself why do they do that? What can you and should you be doing differently.

Parenting can be a tough gig, so ask for help. There is help out there, you just need to ask. If you really can’t cope, place your children in foster care, put them up for adoption. There are people out there who will love them and give them the life they deserve. Give them an opportunity to heal, to be loved, to be all that they can be. Give them an opportunity to know a life without pain and without fear.

Please don’t threaten to send your children to foster care when they misbehave. We are not a punishment for THEIR behaviour, we are here to protect them from YOUR behaviour.

I would love to live in a world where it wasn’t necessary for there to be foster carers. I would love to live in a world where children are safe from harm. Where children are safe from the very people that are supposed to be the ones there to protect them but are instead the people they fear the most.

Please, before you raise your hand to your child, remember you are the adult.  You are supposed to be their protector. You are supposed to love them and guide them through life, not beat them into submission.

Please, before you do something that can’t be mended with plaster casts, or bandages, or years of therapy, get help.
Do it for your children.
They can’t ask you, so I will.
Please get help.

 

 

 

 

Another big week

Now it’s time to breathe.
I thought it was last week, but again we had another big week.
MM home from work and more than a little bored at being housebound.
David had his last week of school and in that time we had to find out about what was going on with his case so we could prepare him.
Bonnie has been gorgeous…thankfully.
And, I got sick on the weekend. Tag MM…you’re it, you have to look after me now!

David’s behaviour never settled right back down after Clyde left. It did a little bit, but, not fully. He was fine at school….but oh! When he came home. It was almost like he was trying sooooo hard to keep it together at school that he just didn’t have any more effort left for good behaviour when he got home. He was mostly not following instructions, answering back and being a real smart mouth.

We have been trying to prepare David for the fact that he probably won’t be going home to live with mum on Christmas Eve like she has told him and that the possible upcoming move to his Aunt’s house is probably going to be a lot longer than just a couple of weeks. It’s been a long week talking with him, drip feeding him information, letting him ask questions and then dealing with him arguing with us, calling us liars, and stomping around the place.

We survived the week and the weekend…thanks to MM for taking over and taking care of the children and me…and Monday brought moving day for David. What should have been a lovely morning was full of stress. David again not following instructions and having his attitude in full force was calmed down once the car was packed and we had some time to kill before going to the office. The drive to the office was lovely. We had a nice chat and David was back to his bubbly self, ready for his next adventure.

So, now it’s time to breathe.

Time to breathe

It’s been such a huge week since Bonnie and Clyde arrived.

Saturday we went to our agencies Christmas picnic. What a lovely day. Caught up with other carers from our agency, past children that we have cared for and watched the kids have a ball. All while poor MM wasn’t feeling 100 %.

Sunday bought a trip to the doctor for my four babies…David, Bonnie, Clyde and MM! 3 kids with colds, even though little Bonnie had been vomiting Saturday whenever she coughed, the doc said she was fine. MM was given a referral to go and have an ultrasound done for his ouchie bit. Good, because the doctor he saw the week before just prescribed antibiotics without examining him!

The week found Clyde’s tantrums triggering behaviours in David that we weren’t happy with and keeping poor little Bonnie awake and a difficult decision to be made. We chose to only have him for the one week placement we had agreed to. Bonnie is no problems, so we said she was welcome to stay as long as needed, but with Clyde causing so much stress in the house, he needed a new placement. David has come along so far I just his 3 weeks with us that we didn’t want to jeopardise that at this stage.

Then came Thursday. MM hadn’t been well during the night, but in true ‘tough bloke’ style wouldn’t have me call the doctor during the night and insisted on going to work in the morning. 9 am and he was sent home from work by the boss, and within an hour we were on our way to the emergency department.

Thursday night he had to move hospitals, so, I loaded all the kiddies in the car, we went and picked him up and drove him to the new hospital for possible surgery. Friday and we did the school drop off in the morning and then the two little kiddies had access with mum, Clyde then moved to his new placement and then off to the hospital with Bonnie to visit MM. We weren’t there long and they came to get him for his surgery.

Multiple phone calls to the hospital in the afternoon to see if he was out of surgery yet and eventually, yes he was, so David, Bonnie and I went in for a short visit. It was so good to see MM doing so well post surgery. I mean, amazingly well. He met us at the elevator so he could show us to his room. I couldn’t believe he was walking around so well already.

Saturday and Kelly arrived for respite just in time for us to go and collect MM from the hospital.

It’s so lovely to have MM home. I hardly  slept the first night he was in hospital and while I feel exhausted at the moment, I love having him home with us. The poor thing can’t even lift little Bonnie, and he’s going to go stir crazy not at work, but, he’s home and seems better already.

What a week. As if the lead up to Christmas wasn’t hectic enough we’ve had a few extra little challenges. Hopefully the rest of the month is a little smoother.